Why Not Both?

Everyone’s feeling it, right? The heat, lethargy, anxiety, all of it. It’s been rough this year, and this presidential election will be a defining moment of history. But I’m not worried about it nor am I looking forward to it.

Sure, I care about the country, but I also feel that, no matter who wins, whatever is meant to happen will happen. One could say that it’s up to God or the universe or whatever else there is to believe in. That could also be interpreted as nonchalance, though… Well, either way, whatever I’ve turned over in my mind this year has taken on a duplicitous nature.

I feel tired and wired. I want to go out more and stay inside. I love people and want to kill not deal with them at the same time. Ambivalence has been a defining feature. Ah, yes, the duality of man. I don’t know how long I’ve felt this way, but I know that this year has been weird and enlightening. I started seeing synchronicities more often, and tarot readings on YouTube have been both freakily relatable and a guilty pleasure of mine. Also, I found myself again and am continuing to learn more about who I am in public and what I want to do. With that, I am also embracing the subtle art of not giving a f*ck (great book, by the way). It’s been liberating and confidence-inducing, like writing this article, and the one before this. I’ve also socialized more and let myself go with the flow. Initiating conversation and talking to people is surprisingly easy when I’m centered on my sense of self and at least have an idea on what I want to talk about. After all, a conversation can be about literally anything; I can be interested in many things at once (ADHD for the win), so this provides an element of fun to social situations.

The point is, I learned to not follow rules that probably never existed for me in the first place, and, too, I continue to honor my intuition and emotions. Though, what I need to do more of is putting myself out there. Like with this article. Self-deprecation-wise, it feels like I only talk about myself, but really, this is how I express myself. It is one of my tried-and-true ways of processing and expressing my thoughts, like journaling. Also, this is a wake-up call to fully realizing that what I go through is not unique to me…

Anyways, I don’t know what else I will write about. I am slowly but surely taking my time with leaving hermit mode.